But I've been stressed out and writing blogs has been put off. I dunno why, well I do, but I wish I didn't. Things right now are not things I always want to blog about. How could I put into text what I can barely get through my head. It's hard. But some things that are making me this way: I am doing very poorly in my english class. I need to write an overdue paper, read books, and have an topic for my next paper. I should review music on a more regular basis, and not so sporadically as I do, it would ease the load. I should sleep, eat, and relax more. The actual thing is, I relax all the time. I sit around and do nothing most all day, it's sad. It's like summer reincarnate. I play guitar hero and mario cart, I watch TV and movies, I don't even play guitar which is supposed to be my fun relaxing hobby. My room is on average 50 degrees, which is horrible. I spend a lot of time at the on campus apartments at my freinds mary, meghan, and nicole's place. It's warm there.
I have a lot of goals. Too many you could say. And I can't find the motivation to do them. I hate it, because I make more goals to complete my other goals and it gets pretty ridiculous. Life is almost too simple. I thought about taking 20 credits next semester and volunteering at the co-op for a few hours a week to actually feel what it's like to be busy and make the most of my time. I wish I could say I knew what that felt like. I've been there, but I don't know if I'm headed in that direction.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
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Are you okay? Not that you don't sound okay, just the summer Martin was very excited for life, played lots of guitar, and blogged on multiple blogs. Now you seem kind of down about things. I just thought I'd ask, you know, incase you needed someone to.
ReplyDeleteIt's a great question, I ask myself it a lot. But my brain is stupid in the way that it can't tell. Half thinks about it and looks at my life and says, no, nothing is wrong, so you're alright. The other half goes on gut and says something is wrong, but can't pinpoint it and therefor I can't fix anything. I get into ruts some days where I just can't find what I want/need to do. I'll spend hours trying everything I feel like I should want to do, but I never end up enjoying anything I try. This mood I'm in right now feels like a week, or month long rut.
ReplyDeleteIt kind of sounds like you're depressed, but not horribly depressed and kind of in denial about your depression. Or I might have decided that because that's how I feel right now, but I've also thought that about all of your blogs for the last month or so and it makes me really sad because I love your usual enthusiasm for everything.
ReplyDeleteIt seems like you haven't been "relaxing" for a while in the sense of staying in one place. Weekends are usually for relaxation from the schoolweek, but you've been running all over the tri state area seeing various things. Maybe cool it a bit?
ReplyDeleteI notice myself getting kinda down-and-out every now and again, when I don't have a lot of human interaction, and am left to my own devices, consider spending more time at my house?
ReplyDelete